it's okay to be lonely
i did a lot more yoga and mindfulness this semester. every session i have, i set an intention. and throughout the semester, every intention has been the same.
being okay with being alone.
i am here, in the big city, with people i know also spending their summer here, but our visions don't line up. i go see things that interest me, and me only, because a lot of the things i'm interested in i hold near and dear to my heart. and people either don't have the time or they don't really care enough to see this side of me. and i think that's a side effect of leading a busy life. everyone has their own goals and aspirations, but they'll never share them with anyone nor expect anyone to share theirs because everything is uncertain. my dreams now may not be my dreams tomorrow. and if i had shared those temporary dreams with someone, i may just come off looking silly.
the magic of bakeries and 90s karaoke machines and museums still have not worn off yet. but once someone steps into this space of mine, i'm pretty sure it will pretty quickly. and it's not a hatred of people or anything like that. when college asked me, "what are your dreams and passions?" i gave them a very long-winded and detailed answer for someone who doesn't know. intergenerational trauma has taught me that my family had sacrificed a lot for me. meritocracy has taught me that studying is the only way to get out of the socioeconomic situation that my family is in. somewhere along those lines, i have lost sense of how to communicate and coexist with people because i have lost sense of what defines myself. i just need to get used to building up my own personal sanctuary and develop my own personal interests and hobbies before i can let anybody in. and it gets lonely sometimes. but i have to learn that that's okay.
being okay with being alone.
i am here, in the big city, with people i know also spending their summer here, but our visions don't line up. i go see things that interest me, and me only, because a lot of the things i'm interested in i hold near and dear to my heart. and people either don't have the time or they don't really care enough to see this side of me. and i think that's a side effect of leading a busy life. everyone has their own goals and aspirations, but they'll never share them with anyone nor expect anyone to share theirs because everything is uncertain. my dreams now may not be my dreams tomorrow. and if i had shared those temporary dreams with someone, i may just come off looking silly.
the magic of bakeries and 90s karaoke machines and museums still have not worn off yet. but once someone steps into this space of mine, i'm pretty sure it will pretty quickly. and it's not a hatred of people or anything like that. when college asked me, "what are your dreams and passions?" i gave them a very long-winded and detailed answer for someone who doesn't know. intergenerational trauma has taught me that my family had sacrificed a lot for me. meritocracy has taught me that studying is the only way to get out of the socioeconomic situation that my family is in. somewhere along those lines, i have lost sense of how to communicate and coexist with people because i have lost sense of what defines myself. i just need to get used to building up my own personal sanctuary and develop my own personal interests and hobbies before i can let anybody in. and it gets lonely sometimes. but i have to learn that that's okay.
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