i am bored says the privileged

ennui is defined as a feeling of dissatisfaction and lack of contentedness due to boredom or repetition. i've been reading a lot of classics lately, and it seems that many heroes are plagued with this infectious disease. it is the classic case of the superfluous man, easily swooned, easily impressed upon by words and supposed intellect. i can't say i can blame them. when you live in 1800s europe, you are bound to be diagnosed with ennui, the hideous spleen, due to ignorance of great moral responsibility. after all, who knew that climate change would be a thing?

and i think great ignorance is bliss. here you are, searching for the beauty in the world whilst shielding yourself from the great big ugly™because you are bored and have nothing better to do.

but, my thoughts these days scare me. i encounter a great deal of guilt when enjoying myself because i realize that others cannot have the same. i drown myself in a lot of contemporary politics, trying to figure out both perspectives of the situation before i engage myself, and i can't help but judge others who don't do the same. it's like, if one is not caring enough to learn about the issues that surround our world, then one would be better off living in 1800s europe, where not very many people knew about the great atrocities committed against humankind. but here, in the present, in the now, one can very much so learn about and take a stand against these same atrocities, but one just chooses to turn a blind eye while announcing to the world, "I am bored."

now i do recognize that my first instincts aren't completely correct. it is toxic to spend so much time being attached to the politics of the world. that is precisely why my thoughts scare me. however, if your whole entire livelihood will be dictated off of these politics, if these politics determine how you end up being raised... or end up being schooled... (if at all, for both cases) how can one not care?

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